Hmm. That’s not super positive, is it?

Hello friends! It’s Thursday again and here’s a blog for you.

The Market. Last week’s Market was a bit, well, lame. about $175 in sales, which is down quite a bit from previous weeks which had been hovering around $260. There are several explanations as to why this was the case including a competing street fair a few block over and hot hot weather. I had a couple of my regulars come by, which was nice, but overall, it was not the greatest market day. I also started out the morning by snapping at two cashiers at two different gas stations and bursting into tears, so that was not so great. The first gas station had no ice and the second one had a much higher price on it than I’m used to. Absolutely no excuse for my behavior, but there it is. The second cashier was super nice. He apologized about the price and that there was nothing he could do about it (which is when the bursting into tears came in) and then proceeded to help me load it into my car. He was a very nice man. Even though I was acting so atrociously, he helped me and tried to make me feel better, and then told me I would have a better day and gave me a hug. Maybe I should have expected a crummy sales day after being like that to someone. Hopefully he had a great day.

I worry about myself sometimes. What happened to me that now I am someone like I am. I used to be the one who would go out of my way to help someone try to have a better day. I would have gotten the cart and loaded the ice on it and helped someone. I may have even offered a hug. Now I am the one who snaps and yells at people, feels guilty and bursts into tears, takes offense at the slightest provocation. I am mean to people I love and people I don’t even know. I seem to spend a lot of time finding ways to have hurt feelings even when that wasn’t the intent of the other person. I have got to be hard to live with and hard to interact with. I talk down to people, behave like I think I’m smarter than everyone, sometimes actually believe I am. I’m reactionary, and rude, get angry when people ask me things and angry when they don’t. I hate the way I talk to people, hate the way I treat people, but don’t change these things. I play favorites with loved ones, am always kind to some and always short and angry with others.

Wow. That was apparently something that came out. I specifically did not want to get all deep and serious today. That seems like all I ever really do on this blog: either sunshine and Lemonade is awesome and the future looks bright or I am a mean person and I don’t like it. I also tend to overthink things, so then when I do things like this and talk about things I don’t like, I wonder why I am. I wonder what my motivation is. Am I looking for attention? Do I want everyone to jump on and tell me I’m great and they love me and don’t be so hard on myself? I’m not really sure why else I would go down these paths all the time, so maybe that is it. I don’t know.

You all are so great by the way. Whenever I do this, everyone is so nice about coming to my defense and saying nice things. And I sure appreciate it. I really do. I am just worried about why I am so unpleasant and nasty and then expect people to say nice things. I don’t know. 

OK. So that whole thing was not so nice to read. I am really sorry. I don’t know what’s up. I know I am over tired this week for no particular reason and I know that I just got done with antibiotics for a sinus infection, so maybe my body is just off a bit. Not sure. I apologize for being a downer, though.

No Lemonade this week. With the cruddiness which was last week’s sales and the fact that I’m afraid I’ll work my mom to death, I decided to skip one. Back to the Market next week, which they tell me is the big chili cookoff between the police and the fire department, so that should be a good time.

Stay safe and happy my friends. I love you all and I’ll talk to you next week. 

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